I’m not afraid to drink from the short fountain. 

Why do people wait in line to use the taller fountain while its shorter sibling sits vacant? Is it pride or subconscious metaphor? 

Or is it simply too low? 

These are the weird details I like to think about. I’ll trade you my theories if you'll wager yours. Cool?

Whether using my 10+ years of improv practice to infiltrate the mind of a brand or consumer,  exploring the vibrant lands of the Pacific Northwest, and simply getting lost reading a debate between physics and philosophy on NPR—I live to discover new experiences.



Kroger, Portland, OR. 06/2016-Present
Marketing Copywriter
Seamlessly joined the Kroger marketing team to help craft and conceptualize copy for their growing advertising, internal and external publication needs.

SirSimons Copywriting, Portland, OR. 04/2012-Present
Freelance Copywriter
Assisting in creative media for digital and traditional mediums. Formation of new ideas and expanding of established ad campaigns. Get into a project quickly and react thoroughly.

Clients I collaborated with: NW Natural Gas, YMCA of Greater Minnesota, Voyageurs National Park Association, WileyX Eyewear, The Springs Living Senior Communities, Greenway City T-Shirts, Trailtopia Adventure Food, Chaitime Bubble Tea.

Curious Comedy Theater, Portland, OR. 08/2015-Present
I help guide eager students through the world of turning nothing into magic. Listening, building relationships, developing narratives, creating realistic (or ridiculous) characters, and instantaneous brainstorming... all in the name of 'Yes And'. 

SixSpeed, Minneapolis, MN. 03/2013-03/2015
Copywriter/Social Media Coordinator
Created and cultivated ideas that encouraged emotion and action. Pushed boundaries until the walls began to buckle. Organized and ran the SixSpeed social media. Formed occasional puns.

Clients I collaborated with: Red Bull, Polaris, Crestliner Boats, Target, Muscle Milk, St. Jude Children's Research Hospital, Cannondale Bikes, Volition America, Zipp Wheels. 

P.F. Chang’s, Edina, MN. 11/2006-03/2013
Closing Server
Part workhorse, part babysitter, part psychic, all listening. The ability to multitask in a high pace environment, handle adversity and make it all look casual are a necessity. 

Lawrence & Schiller Marketing & Advertising, Sioux Falls, SD. 02/2006-06/2006
Advertising Intern
In exchange for the glory of filing and invoicing, I discovered the inquisitiveness of branding, the joys of the creative process, and the epiphany that I was built to write the words, not schedule them and pay for their shipping. 

Various Troupes, Sioux Falls, SD; Minneapolis, MN; and Portland, OR. 01/2003-Death
Trust, free thinking, working in teams, risk taking, and embodying differing personalities and philosophies. Since it’s become a part of my sensibilities and self, I've become a stronger person, thinker, and friend. 

Augustana College Football Team, Sioux Falls, SD 08/2002-11/2005
Player/Teammate/Tight End
Working with people you love. Working with people you hate. Excelling no matter what. 


Miami Ad School, Minneapolis, MN
Copywriting, 03/2012

Augustana College, Sioux Falls, SD
Bachelor of Arts, Business Marketing, 05/2006


Sir Eric Simons