Roses are red. Violets are blue. Valentine’s Day sucks ass.

I don’t even feel like finishing that poem, that’s how I feel about Valentines Day. I mean seriously, is there a worst made up holiday around (well Canada Day is stupid, but who gives a fuck about Canada’s freedom, they’re just a wannabe America). Let’s look deeper into the problems of the day. There are basically two sides to the story.

The first side is the people who are in relationships. They feel compelled to buy buttloads of candy and flowers. Why is the heart the universal organ of love? Why not the liver or the kidneys? “I love you so much I’ll give you my right kidney. Then a part of me will be in you. Well…” I’m kinda tired of seeing people who are supposedly in love (or at least deep lust) moping over getting the teddy bear wearing fire shorts riding a pole or the one that is wearing lacy clothing. That’s just disturbing; seriously, it’s a damn stuffed animal. You can buy one at fucking Toys R’ Us for like 3 bucks, she’ll love it just the same. Then if another couple has something deemed “better” then suddenly a very worth gift looks obsolete in comparison. That’s sad, he or she put effort into their gift, don’t be so superficial.

That brings me to the other side of Valentine’s Day: the single person. Is there anything more depressing than seeing a bunch of your friends go off to do their romantic things, while here you sit on you ass, eating cheap heart shaped candy, pondering why it is you have no valentine? Those generic He-Man valentines you gave out in elementary school don’t count (besides, Skeletor would come down on you brown bag valentine holder real hard). It’s a sad state and no one deserves to be in that position.

Honestly, I believe Valentine’s Day is a mass conspiracy started by Big Business and Big Government. Back during the Great Depression, FDR needed something to stimulate the economy. Candy, cards, flowers, and various public works would be given to those you love. Soon alcohol weighted heavily into the equation. Nowadays alcohol sales have to be ridiculous on Valentine’s Day. Champagne and wine for the lovers, hard stuff for the losers. My friends and I surely put down a great deal of alcohol this past Valentine’s Day, but to no avail.

Now don’t get me wrong, love is a beautiful thing, but don’t let the calendar companies tell you when to tell that special one when to do something special. Ovary up and buy him/her something on a non-traditional holiday. To honor of Black History month, buy your black friend a ticket for the bus (tell’em to sit in the front, that’ll show’em). Buy you suburban white friend a new rap cd. Make some fried chicken. Dare to be different, love thy neighbor on a day other than Valentine’s Day, and say it loud…I’m black and I’m proud. Happy Black History Month.