So another winter is upon us and once again I find myself at the ridicule of my peers. To answer them simply, "yes I know it is cold outside and yes I know I am not wearing a jacket." I get it, these friends, whom many of which are women, are showing their maternal concern. I think I draw the line when the male teller at Wells Fargo makes a comment. I have many reasons for not wearing a traditional winter coat during this time of year. Like to hear them, here they go.
- My body is a furnace. Most peoples body's operate at 98.6 degrees. My Body thinks that shit is too cold. My body only reached 98.6 degrees on a Kelvin scale. Even just this morning I was leaving the YWCA after working out and I had to stand outside for like five minutes without my hat on and my jacket unzipped, or I would have sweat on the bus for its complete 20 minute trip. Don't even get me started on exiting the shower during the summer. I sit around wetter then a waitress sitting shotgun in Tiger Woods' Escalade. Or any woman for that matter. Jesus, who didn't Tiger fuck.
- I don't like being bogged down. I like to travel as light as possible. A hoodie and gloves, and a hat and a jacket, plus long johns, and knee socks, and boots. I can't handle all of that. I feel more over dressed then Elin Woods feels next to any of Tiger's whores (that's two). And a scarf is like a 21st century noose, not exactly my kind of strange fruit.
- Where am I supposed to put all of this shit. I'm 26, my friends and I like to go to the bars, have a drink or 6, sings some karaoke (No diggity), and not sweat my ass off (no doubt). Where the hell am I supposed to put this big ass coat? Coat check? Not taking my 3 dollars. Hanger? I'm not just leaving this at the front of the restaurant. Lay it over the stool? I don't want mine or someone elses booty sweat all over it. And it you put it over the back of a chair, it will slip up and get all nasty (like a New York Club Hostess, that's a Hat Trick my Cablinasian friend). If I wear a hoodie (and I love hoodies) Im good to go in ever situation.
So back to this Tiger Woods thing. Wow. Everyone is coming out of the woodwork to claim their piece of the pie. Waitresses, porn stars, hostesses, I think one woman was a cat lady. Seems like Tiger would hit anything with his 5 wood...
I guess this makes me wonder a few things. Is Tiger a sex addict? Is it just cause he can? Do these girls do something Elin won't? More often? At all? How did she find out? Couldn't Tiger have been more selective? Why does everyone care (aside from his family)? And most of all, why is everyone so surprised? What reason has there been to think that Tiger is any different that any other athlete. If Tiger was a basketball player, he would be playing golf this weekend. Shawn Kemp is still discovering children at a rate of 1.2 every month. I'm not excusing wat he did, not really cool, especially since Elin is pretty hot, but really it isn't anyones business. And I (sadly) an interested by it, but not really surprised. More often then not males (especially pro athletes) are a product of their surroundings and opportunities. They were there, so he pounced. Though I bet when he, Federer and Jeter found that lost cat, they didn't know they were in for a wild night of love making.